Inner Child & Present Self Connection
The Child You Once Were:
what your whole system understands as a gesture of compassion.
How you relate to your own inner child is going to be different from how anyone else does it. There isn't one method. What I can share is what works for me, and it's what I share with my clients in a similar way.
the moments inviting you in
Whenever a younger part of you is activated, whenever there's tension, an upset reaction, a shutdown, that's a time to get curious about whether it's a younger part. The moments in life that are the most challenging are the ones inviting you in to be curious, to see if there's a younger part of you that wants attention, acknowledgment.
When that process unfolds, you get to know a younger part. What happened. The belief systems that arose out of what happened. Usually there's an unmet need in there, and a gift the younger part carries naturally. Relating to this younger part from your core self energy, your core true self essence, compassionate, courageous, calm, caring, is what builds trust internally with this part. Repetition, in sessions and in between sessions in life, gets easier in time.
a sacred opportunity every time
What your inner child needs from you is different every single day, every single circumstance a younger part comes up. That's why the practice of bringing attention to it matters so much. Every time it gets bypassed, every time you don't bring your attention, your curiosity, your calm, courageous compassion to a younger part, you miss the chance to learn the answer.
One day, a session might bring you into contact with the three year old part of you, with a very specific need. A couple of days later, a self inquiry on the same situation might discover an even younger part, an infant part, preverbal, needing something entirely different than the three year old needed a couple days prior. Not every activation is going to be a younger part, but it often is. Every time you get activated, it's a sacred opportunity that should never be bypassed. Sometimes you won't be able to do the work in the moment, and that's realistic too.
When you get curious about the root of it, and you discover the opportunity for connection, acknowledgment, cherishing what wants to be seen and held, heard, worked with, your whole system understands that as a gesture of compassion. The pathway to the historical root is through your body. The more you do this work, the more your system starts to trust the work, the more the parts of you that are not yet fully integrated trust you. It becomes a real paradigm shift, and it leads to accountability. Being able to respond to yourself in this way means you're more able to respond to others, especially in challenging moments, personally and professionally.
how I actually work with it
I listen with my whole being in the sessions. The approach I use most, compassionate inquiry, invites a person to be curious whether the familiarity of what they're exploring goes back to an earlier point. I'll ask, how far back can you remember the familiarity of this?
what most inner child work gets wrong
Inner child work is a relationship, an ongoing one. It's about integrating: inviting the younger parts of you to feel safe in the ways they need to, to build trust with these parts, so that they can trust you, so that they can grow, and see what your present day life is like. They can let go of the burden they carry. They can be free from the obligation of protecting your system in ways that mostly aren't working for you anymore. They can be brought into the fold, closer into your heart, and honored for the gifts they bring.
This is a paradigm shift, because it invites you to get curious about what's coming up internally when you're activated or shutting down, from a relational exchange professionally or personally, going through a loss, a health crisis, abuse of some kind, whatever it is. There's the present situation, and there's the historical root of it. The historical root often includes the child you once were, at a particular age, and there's so much to be nourished, nurtured, invited into the core and the fold of your true self, your heart.
I see the work coming up within each person situationally, along the path of life. When the paradigm shifts, you start to see that as an opportunity, to set up a session, to talk to your practitioner about it, or to do the practice in between sessions, staying connected, tending to the root of what's coming up, in order to harmonize your internal world.
That harmony, that trust building with your younger parts, is what decreases polarization on your internal system. When you have unchecked internal polarization, you're going to carry a lot of conflict around with you, a lot of tension in your system, in your emotional body, in your physical body, in your energy body. Over time that's very possible to impact your immune system, your mental health, your physical health. It will also impact your relationships and how you show up in the world, professionally and personally.
Tending to your internal world, decreasing that polarization, increasing a harmonizing impact based on how you relate with yourself, ideally compassionately, not in a judging critical way, not in a harsh way, will enhance your ability to be present. With yourself. With your loved ones. With your colleagues, strangers, nature, animals, weather systems, life. None of us know how much longer we have. It is a finite incarnation, however you want to say it. For us to live every day with as much internal harmony and embodied presence as possible is what I'm here to help you with. Connecting with the child you once were is a really powerful way to align with that.